Wednesday, August 20, 2008

I wait

I wait. It's been well over 24 hours.
I feel myself in need.
You said you'd keep in touch.

My fingers drum on the table impatiently.
I wait.
Could something have happened?
Where the hell are you?

I wait.

You're too preoccupied now, is that it?
Though it's understandable...
I wait, growing anxious.
I'm a nervous wreck.
My neck turns at every possibility--
"Is it you?"
No, it's someone unimportant.
But still my heart beats threefold,
"it could have been you."

I start pounding my fists on the table, like a ravenous animal
like an addict in withdrawal.
I need you.
Greed creeps over me, then anger, then fear.
It's been well over a day...

I wait.

I've never had to wait.
Much less this long.
Worry... despair.
I wait.

My drug of choice so quickly torn from me
and there is absolutely nothing I can do.
You're so far away, so distant
so many things could have gone wrong
so much rides on this moment yet...

I wait.

Deep breaths...
deep breaths...
Until I realize--


I need you.
I'm going more insane with every passing second.
My insides churn
my muscles convulse.
I cannot sit still.

I fidget, biting my nails to the bone.
Tapping my foot erratically on the floor

Is this what betrayal feels like?
I take every opportunity to check
"Are you still alive?"
I wonder.
I wait.

I'm picking myself apart without you.

And all you have to do is say hello.
like you goddamn promised.

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